Until the last breath I take I will know that you were the one that always took it way Until the last smile I make I will know that you were the one that it always faced Until the last tear I cry I will know that good or bad that you were the one that it was meant for Until the last little bit of my heart breaks I will know that you were the one that showed me what love was for. Watching all the days go by wondering where you are Wondering if my heart should ache this much And what I’m really even fighting for But every time I hear your voice and see your smile I know why I can’t leave There is something that I need from you but I have no clue what but every time I see you I get a little taste of the love. I hope there is something that you need from me at least so I can hold on to you so I never have to see you leave But until the last day I live on this earth I hope that you will know that I love you and that you are the angel I see to carry me home By Jessie R. Its a lil something i wrote a while back for lauren

(Truth is) I never got over you (Truth is) Wish I was standing in her shoes (Truth is) And when it's all said and done Guess I’m still in love with you (Truth is) I never should have let you go (Truth is) And it's killing me cuz now I know (Truth is) And when it's all said and done Guess I’m still in love with you
on Feb. 2, two years ago lauren and i got together i will admit that it was the best day of my life so far. i got to see her today and all this has made me realize how much i really do love herhow much i truely miss being around her. i stood outside her car talking to her for about 20 mins and if you know how cold it is then you know i have to love her cause i was freaking freezing. She started playing some song and said it was bout me and her and as i listened to it i had tears coming to my eyes i wanted to cry so bad and just have her hold me and tell me that everything would be ok which was kinda what the song was talking about then she had to go she gave me a kiss on the cheek and we said our goodbyes and basically as soon as i got in the car she called and told me to listen to the chorus of this song Truth Is by Fantasia whatever from american idol and she asked me if it was true and i told her yes i love her with all my heart and i would do anything to make it work for us so we could be together only if she wanted it. shes the love of my life and i dont care who knows it . I am sorry if i hurt anybody its just the truth its how i feel but i have said my words and now im out

Over the past few months I've pondered the thoughts of just about everything even about being with guys. After Kayla and I broke up Jen and me started going out like the same day i had no time to just be single and see what else was out there in the world, and right now thats really all i want to do.

Tiffany:
Jen and I were doing good for a while and then all of a sudden we just quit talking for about two months it seems and in that time i had a whole new life I started talking to this girl Tiffany, she seemed really cool at first we hit it off well. She didnt even smoke. But thngs about her she was in way to mucjh trouble with the law and stuff about shootings and all kind of crazy things that i didnt want to have any part of. She had no idea about any part of my life nothng about jen, kayla or anything really she new nothing about me but within three days she thought she was inlove with me and i was scared that if i didnt say it back that she would leave and i needed someone just not all the time its so hard to explain its not like im doin it just to fuck around with girls i dont want to hurt them thats not my intentions at all i just needed somebody and Jen was nowhere around. so i decided that i would actually go out with tiffany and I really started to like her a lot thinking that maybe this could work out but then it all went wrong. I asked her to do onething for me to give me my space when i needed it and she said that she would but she didn't she called constantly and and text me all the time and if i didn't answer my phone she thought that i never wanted to speak to her again and that i hated her or something but i didnt hate her i just needed to get away for a while. she kept on though calling and text me after i broke up with her all she did was text me saying stuff like we belong together and stuff and telling my she loved me over and over again and i couldnt take it i finally just cut her off completely i don't speak to her and i am trying to stay away from her for good. oh and i never did anything with tiffany not even kiss her

Jen:
I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with Jen we are going to be together forever and I'm so scared of that i dont think i am ready to make that decision so early in life. i dont really understand mine and Jens relationship it sorta just works when it wants to guess we are together when we want to be and we are not together when we dont want to be. i do love her so much and i dont want to hurt her at all.

Ashleigh:
She's my best friend and i think i've fallen for her, but not like the other girls i care about her so much but and yea its a big but too shes straight and it sucks so bad. i just have that feeling comes over me when i am with her its like everythings ok and nothing could go wrong. she makes me feel so good like I'm a good person and shes someone tht i ca hold and take care of i dont understand it at all i never thought that i woud like her this way but i do. sometimes when we are just sitting there talking and stuff and nobody is around i get this urge just to kiss her and hold her in my arms and make her feel so safe shes been through so much stuff lately so much pain and i wish i could just take it all away she puts herself down all the time and it kills me to hear he say shes not beautiful because shes gorgeous shes amazingly beautiful i just with she would see that. i dont know i wish that oneday that me and her could actuallly have a chance just so she could see that i coud be good to her if she would let me.

Rhi:
I have been friends with Rhiannon for about the past four years oneday she told me that she had fallen inlove with me. i didnt know what to say i had no clue what i was in for. i can honestly say that i do love her but i couldnt be with her i was in a relationship and then all that other stuff happened and i know i hurt her everytime she saw me with a different girl and i am so sorry i am truely sorry for all the pain i caused her i didnt mean to i didnt expect for any of it to happen though. i was so scared that if i did go out with her would i treat her like all these other girls would i hurt her too, in the end i did an i also got hurt i looked at her blog a few days ago and it said on there that i dont love jessie anymore and more then anything it the last thing i ever wanted to know it my biggest fear is to not be loved i pushed her away because i didnt know what else to do but i thought that she would come back tht she would still be there but shes not she barelly speaks to me and i cant go up to her and talk to her because i am scared that i will start crying as soon as i look into her eyes because i do still care i do love her I was just so afriad to show it and make that step and now i lost her.

Kayla:
Kayla was my rock we went out for only two months but it felt like forever it was like we were marriedi was so happy and then Jen came in and sweep me off my feet all over againKayla and i broke up and the same day me and jen started going out and i stopped talking to kayla i didnt want to have anything to do with her i dont know why but i didnt but now we are talking again and i have realized that i still care alot about her.

This isnt even half of everything i need to say but i think i will stop for tonight.

I have just published my deepest thoughts nightmares and loves so i could get it out of my heart to let it all go to show that i am sorry i want forgiveness i dont understand i reasons for the things i do and everything i have done in my life i just hope that oneday all will be well and i will be happy with the one true love that i have that my lafe will have went far and that i lived it to the fullest not leaving anything in the dark doing everything i ever dreamed of doing.

i just finished watching the first whole season of " The L Word" and it was amazing. it has made me think of so many things and makes me want to change so many things also. This show has made me think so much about my life and who is in it and who i want to be in it.

As i ramble on and on i wonder what i really want and what i just think i need so many differences and my life so much i want to change my thoughts about myself, ohers, and  everything. Some things are so hard to say with words when all you want to do is cry out through love joy happiness and espesially through your pain and sorrows.

As i watch myself sit back and wait thinking, no hoping that it will be ok that it will come to me. i know what i need to do i have to get out there i need to get my life in to line just take what i want and hold it so precious and so tight.

i haven't talked to my girlfriend Kayla since last thursday when she left me a message on my cell phone saying that she was goin to a friends house and she didn't know if she was goin home or not. its now tuesday and i havent heard a word i don't know if shes ok or what i just know that if she is  ok and that she just hasn't call or shes avoiding me there are goin to be problems because i have been hurt by everyone and i thought she was different so im not goin to put up with any shit.

i did have fun friday even though it was total drama from Kayla not showing up to problems wwith krystle and more but i did get to meet stephanie and shes awesome shes really cool but shes just a friend and she knows that. Mnday i got to spend time with Lauren it was really nice because it was just me and her and we went to the botanical gardens maybe that wasn't a great to choose because of things that happened the ladst time we were there but it was ok. i kinda wished something would had happened but that would have been really bad and brought problems don't it  seemed very tense between us i mean she was relaxed but i wasn't i felt strange but i don't know why really.

i have been talking to Jen my ex from york, SC a lot lately i miss her so much shes so much fun and i can't wait for her to come and see me its been so long since i've seen her. but oh goin now luvs bye

i slept all afternoon it was nice for a change. i am dying my hair again more pink. idk i dont like pink all that muchbut it looks cool in my hair. the huge ass sculpture that we are doing in art is gonna be fucked up in a cool way tho its gonna have a pink and black wire ball in the middle like is holding it up so yea cools. i am like so edgy becasue i dont have any new piercings i need at least one i am ddicted so bad i want my industrial done again i used to have it and it started migrating out so i had to take it out before it ripped itself out ouch!! ok im done i can't think of anything else so goodnight yall

ok for the comments made towards me by Guess or who cares or whatever stupid ass name you come up with next if you didnt care then why are you writing HUH?
Did you say something? thats what i thought.
Ok maybe i took things a little to far at first i was pissed off and well didnt give a shit . it wasnt about the cigarette or her smoking, really that was an excuse so i could just end it. and you " who cares" is taking this way to seriously, to not have anything to do with it. And me a coward ok whos the one that waited till she got some people that dont like me, and have some other girl call my house at 8 something at night and ask for my mom and say bull shit lies and tell my mom that i called her mom when she dont even have a fuckin phone in the first place. And then to call back later and have her cousin try and bitch me out and say that i have been starting shit and that you don't mess with family, least i talked i could hear whitney in the background talking telling him what to say. So don't start with me, Bitch!